He may be surprised, but he will have no reason to be offended.ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my best friends decided, in her retirement, to write novels. Tell him how pleased you have always been with his work and that you would like to raise the rate you pay to $X. GENTLE READER: The best way not to offend him, Miss Manners feels certain, is to treat this as the business transaction that it is, not as charity.Įven though contractors typically name their price, you are still the employer. I want to give him a large seasonal bonus (over and above his year-end/Christmas gift) or add a surcharge/gratuity to each of his bills, but I don't want to offend him. I fear it is because he thinks he will lose business if he does, but I cannot imagine how difficult it is to take care of his growing family with the rising costs of fuel, food, etc. I have an absolutely wonderful gardener who is not raising his prices this year, despite inflation. In addition, I have always lived well below my means. View CommentsĭEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm in the very enviable position of having recently received significant promotions and pay raises. I never gave it much thought." If you do not want to then feel guilty about lying to her, perhaps it's time to learn a new game. Miss Manners suggests doing it in an offhand way, so that when she asks why it took you so long to say something, you can have some hope of getting away with, "I don't know. The question you should be asking is: How do I tell her? And feeling guilty about leaving her in the dark accomplishes nothing. "I knew you would eventually get it without my help I'm so proud of you" is worse. "I wanted to win" is unlikely to be received with affection. GENTLE READER: What are you planning to say 15 years from now when your then-wife figures it out? I've thought about pointing it out, but we are each other's only competition, so why would I divulge strategies?įor love reasons? I'm in it to win it. It doesn't appear that she realizes that this is a losing strategy. Since my girlfriend doesn't like her pile being "messy," she always takes from the discard pile. At the start of each turn, you can remove cards from a discard pile, but doing so is always a mistake, as you lose the opportunity to get cards you may need to win. Now and then, we play a simple, low-stakes card game. However, there is one thing I am hiding from her, and I'm not sure if I should feel guilty or even reveal it. We are madly in love, respect each other and communicate well basically, we both seem to have hit the relationship jackpot. (Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, to her email, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.) View CommentsĭEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been with my girlfriend for a little over two years. He will be missed." That it will not be by you, Miss Manners assures you, need not be specified. How do I respond to the constant sympathy I continue to receive from those who miss him more than I do? I don't want to denigrate his memory for those who experienced his love and concern. I cannot explain the relief I felt when I no longer came home to his car in the garage. I sought counseling after 30 years because I no longer knew who I was or what I wanted. His abusiveness came through in the tone of his voice, not his actual words. He seldom, if ever, encouraged me or complimented me. What no one knows is that, from the beginning of our life together, he NEVER put me first. He truly was a good man to all who were in need. He was highly respected and loved by many people who had experienced his comfort and prayers in times of need. Her responses, nine times out of 10, are only about her job.DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband of 58 years died last year. I ask friendly questions and tell her that I would love to see her again. When I email her, I reminisce fondly about the many trips we took together in our 20s.
#GENTLE READER MISS MANNERS PROFESSIONAL#
Through our many emails these days, I can tell that she is bragging again, about professional matters this time (she is now married). I used to have a lot of people asking me, “Why in the world would you want to be around that girl and her horrible reputation?” But I always felt that there was a very sweet, misguided young woman underneath it all. She would tell anyone who would listen about her many sexual experiences, though I kept telling her that she was making herself look bad. While she was a very fun travel buddy in our younger days, she was also a braggart, telling false stories to make herself sound better. Needless to say, I am heartbroken.Īn acquaintance from my past recently reconnected with me through email. My closest friend of 37 years passed away a little over a year ago. DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my 50s and do not have anyone I can call a real friend.
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